Wednesday, August 22, 2012

I'd work out more if...

I've said it before - I don't have the "workout" gene. I just can't seem to get my head around the idea that there are some people whose day isn't complete unless they go to the gym. So my question I weird or are they?

I can find lots of ways to cap off a good day that have nothing to do with a treadmill, set of weights or sweaty gym socks. Working out is opting for physical exertion during your leisure time. Seems like a bad idea to me. I understand it's good for my health but so is hummus and I tend to shy away from that.

I think I would work out more if I was a guy. Seriously. And it's mainly because of the hair and make-up thing. Workout, shower, dry off and put your clothes on. No hairdryer or lip primer needed. If I was a guy I would be really in shape.

Here are a few other scenarios that may entice me to work out.

1. Serve cocktails...before, during and after the workout.
2. Don't have people that look like Jillian Michaels serving those cocktails, or within a 10-mile radius.
3. Have a stylist on hand that will apply my make-up and give me a blowout before I am thrown back to the wolves (that would be my kids).
4. Make treadmills that won't let you go faster than say, a 20-minute mile.
5. Have live band performances.
6. Have someone at each machine that compliments you every 2-3 minutes. i.e. "You look so skinny," "Do people confuse you with Jillian Michaels?" "You are hot, hot, hot."
7. Turn off the lights so no one can see what I look like in the spandex shorts.
8. Turn off the machines and pretend there is a power outage and we'll all just hang out and drink those cocktails you are serving.
9. Have the clocks working at double time so that our hour-long workout lasts only 30 minutes.
10. Have the scales set to -20 to start. No explanation needed there.

So, if anyone out there can create a gym like this - I will be your best customer! Otherwise, I'll be drinking a martini and eating nachos while I contemplate my next pretend workout phase - P90X, Bikram yoga, SoulCycle - bring it on!

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